Following are 10 ideas for dealing with, and avoiding, conflicts in your life:
1. The greatest enemy to healthy relationships lies within your own selfish desires. Jesus said, “It is not what is on the outside of person that defiles them, but what comes out of their evil desires.” – hate, envy, jealousy. Practice a Holy Spirit-empowered self-control of your emotions, desires and thoughts. You have the power to solve 80% of the problems behind quarreling. Only Jesus had perfect motives.
2. When you hurt another with offensive words seek reconciliation with a forgiving attitude. Jesus said, “First be reconciled to your brother before presenting your offering at the altar.” If we say that we love God without loving our brother or sister, we are a liar and the truth does not abide in us (1 John 4:20).
3. There is a difference between discussing issues objectively and taking issues so personally that we begin to assault another’s character. Incessant quarreling is a sign of carnality and immaturity. Paul writes, “You Corinthians are still infants in Christ… You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?” (I Cor. 3;2,3) It’s okay to let things go sometimes!
4. It is all right to disagree without being disagreeable in the process. By controlling one’s tone of voice, one is able to calmly discuss issues without becoming agitated, irritated or emotionally volatile. Some people have more tolerance for differences of opinions than others. Carefully gauge whether or not it would be beneficial to share a different opinion.
5. Be humble, realizing that no one except the Lord has all the facts. Do not presuppose the superiority of your own point of view. Take other people’s feelings into account, even though you may have more information at your disposal. Relationships are more important than intellectual jousting.
6. Ask the Lord for patience when dealing with people of a different viewpoint. Jesus patiently spoke truth to the Pharisees who loved to argue, debate and publicly dispute ideas. The Lord demonstrated great restraint with people who were intellectually astute but spiritual dead.
7. As far as it is possible, live at peace with all people (Romans 12:18). This may mean politely bowing out of a conversation before it is too late. Through the wise use of chosen words you will be able to live in harmony, unity and cooperation with a wide variety of people. Some whom you have disagreements with may end up being your greatest allies.
8. God allows for unity amidst great diversity of opinions, cultures and personalities. “The Lord created Christians in one body and one Spirit with one Lord, one faith, one baptism and one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” (Eph. 4:4-6) Learn to appreciate God’s ability to work through diverse people to accomplish His Kingdom purposes. You may not be able to understand how or why he made us the way we are, but His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts than our thoughts. (Isa. 55:8-9)
9. Warn others about quarreling over words as it is of no value and only ruins those who listen (2 Tim. 2:14). We ought to concentrate on the essentials of faith and our obedience to what God has clearly revealed, rather than arguing endlessly about non-essentials.
10. Do not have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. Instead, choose to be kind to all, able to teach, not resentful. Gently instruct people with the hope that God will grant them a change of mind leading to a knowledge of the truth. (2 Tim. 2:23-24)
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